Jumbo Shrimp

China is the dirtiest clean place ever. Or maybe it's the cleanest dirty place ever. Yeah, that works better. Now I am sure at this point you are asking yourself, how can a place be clean and dirty at the same time. Well, that's what I am here to tell you. Cleaning staffs are everywhere. If you thing illegal immigrants have the cleaner market cornered in the US, you ain't seen nothing yet. Cleaning crews literally cover China. There is a crew that sweeps the streets, with brooms. There is a crew that washes windows, with grappling hooks and climbing gear. There is a crew that mops the floors, sidewalks, stairs and any other semi-shiny surface. There is a crew to hire to wash your flat. There is probably even a crew to clean the other cleaning crews. My point being, you can't go more than 10 feet in my area, without seeing a cleaning crew of some kind. My school has close to a half dozen cleaners on staff for a school of 15 rooms, not to mention a crew from the mall that does the communal hall ways. Yet, in spite of all this cleaning, Beijing is dirty. Not in a gross, I don't want to touch anything sort of way, but quite literally, there is dirt everywhere. This is because in every city in China, and including Beijing, there is constantly construction going on. And this is not your “Big Dig” type of construction where it lasts years and there is tons of corruption and its always behind schedule. No, I saw an entire store gutted and remodeled in three days. THREE DAYS!!! It takes US builders that long to figure out what they want to order for lunch. Added to this craze is the idea that construction and general living are not separated, which in turn is part of where the dirty comes from. While getting my first medical check, the hospital was having some construction done. Not an uncommon thing in the US, however, at this hospital, the construction area was not sealed. Meaning that the dust and dirt from the construction being done were able to float through the hospital without anything stopping it.

Class has been going well. Because my school is a training center for after school learning and the school is only ~6 months old, the school is not only a school but also a recruiting center. This means that while some teachers are teaching students already enrolled in the school, other teachers are teaching "Demo" classes to prospective students in order to impress their parents enough to enroll their son or daughter. These "Demo" classes have their pluses and minuses. The pluses are that the classes never change and are shorter than regular classes. The minuses are that the kids are used to this school or you as a teacher and therefore haven't learned the routine yet, not to mention you have to be a little more lenient in these classes because you want the kid to come out happy, not crying or screaming. So in order to fill the school to capacity, everyday there is at least one "Demo" class, at least so far since we've been here. And yours truly is apparently the poster child for this school, because out of 12 "Demo" classes this week, I am involved in 11 of them. Like I've said, it has its ups and downs. So here are the things I've learned this week:

1. Drying clothes outside of a dryer sucks and they get all stiff. If you have any advice, please post below.

2. Two months without console video games really sets back my NCAA ability

3. Kindergarten songs are unfortunately very catchy. I can't get "The Hello Song" out of my head.

4. When you don't go out on the weekends you miss things.

My last point is supplemented by an e-mail I received from a fellow ex-pat:

Hiya Cory :o)

Ur sure u missed loads of fun eh? Well..I wouldn't say fun. We went to Smugglers and were hving a great time, John was meant to be staying at ours because he didn't wanna go all the way home alone. Anyway, then we went to Kokomo's the place with the roof terrace. John was really drunk dancing away with this Chinese girl, next thing Dave (complete asshole) and Bill went over all in his face and then chased this Chinese girl out. So me and John were dancing having a good time next thing BAM, Bill punched John in the face, pushed him down some steps, sat on him and started beating him in the face repeatedly. I didn't know what to do! Because I was with Stacy and Bob who had gone to the toilet at this point. John got up started kicking Bill in the face and there was blood, everyone was freaking out and John just went home. Yeah...fun night. To top it off, all I got from Bill all night then was, Oh my god you hate me blah blah blah and then me Stacy and Bob got lost in a taxi, stupid taxi drivers can never find our house so it took us a ridiculous amount of time to get home...again! Kevin was being a total creep and me and Dave had an argument because he was screaming in my face and going to smash a bottle over Tim's head. Just thought I'd fill you in :op

The names have been changed to protect peoples identity, cause I don't know who reads this. So remember kids, when in China, try and avoid bar fights!

Chandalier TV Set

I find it strange that it takes traveling half way around the world to appreciate parts of your own countries culture and identity. In this case, I am talking about the fact that many people who reside in the United States, are for all intensive purposes, illiterate when it comes to English. Many of these people are recent immigrants or second generation Americans, others are visiting or working to learn the language, the rest live in Alabama. We'll ignore this third group for now, and focus on the first two. I have been in China now for almost three weeks and to steal a popular saying, “It's all Greek to me!” Which only makes me regret not learning the language as I am sure according to this saying most hard things would thusly become easy. In other words, to say I have a very very basic understanding and grasp of Chinese so far is a crime to the word basic. I can recognize about 10 characters in a language of thousands. I have trouble pronouncing pretty much all of there sounds and when any talks it just sounds like I accidentally turned the TV to channel 99.( This joke is only funny if you don't own a Dish or hundreds of channels of TV). In spite of my knowledge of Chinese, I am expected tolive, work, and travel around China. Here in lies the problem. If you get lost in a country where you speak the language, you simply turn to a nearby person who looks friendly, hopefully has 75% or more of their teeth and isn't rabid and ask them, “How do you get to location X?” Location X being your desired location of choice for today, yesterday of course it was Location W. They hopefully give you some vaguely helpful advice and you both feel better about yourselves for your successful human interaction and you feel doubly better if said directions don't end with you in a bath tub full of ice without a kidney in the Russian part of town. When I get lost in China, I kneel down, pray to my god (illegal), curse this communist country(generally bad idea, A.K.A. Not illegal but not necessarily legal either) hope that another white person walks by who speaks English. (Snowballs chance in Hell), curl up in the fetal position and call my Chinese aid to solve the problem. (Ding Ding Ding, we have a WINNER!) Strangely enough, as weird as this all sounds, it all sort of works itself out. I have been able to buy food, both in a supermarket and in restaurants. I have furnished my apartment, gone through two medical exams, paid bills, exchanged money, and avoiding accidentally buying a hooker, all without any real knowledge of Chinese and a few key Chinese people's limited knowledge of English. I am here to teach English, and I have had a great first week. The staff is super helpful. The kids have warmed up to me fairly well. (only one girl has cried and all I said was hello so I don't think that was my fault, she was just a ticking time bomb) We are creating lesson plans, designing classes and restructuring the curriculum and at least for me, having a good time doing it. A few things I've learned this week:

1)Fast food in China is the same shitty service it is back in the states, however, McDonald's DELIVERS!! Why don't we have this in the US??? Cause I'm Lovin It!
2) Anyone can learn to use chopsticks, if you are hungry enough
3)Peanut butter and Jelly never tasted so good after a week of rice and noodles
4)NEVER, I REPEAT, NEVER, say I love you to a Chinese girl who can't speak English and then invite her out to your flat for the weekend

The last bullet point is an unfortunate story of a fellow ex-pat with our company. Apparently, he flirted up a waitress at our hotel and through an intermediary, (he speaks no Chinese, she speaks no English) said the above things. The result was that she showed up the following weekend of the bus with 6 suitcases ready to move in. A long explanation later through another intermediary and the young girl's heart was crushed and this poor man's libido probably stifled for the time being. So remember, when in China, I love you, means leave your parents house and move in with me even if we have never actually understood each other without a translator.

Leaving "The Compound"

Things have been more than hectic lately and I don't even think I could properly explain it without you being here with me, but I'll at least try, like a fat kid giving up sweets for his New Year's resolution. We both know he'll be downing bonbons before President's Day the same way my story won't convey the whole story. When trying to organize 68 independently minded, strong willed, most extroverted people, things can get a little hairy. This is where we begin our tale. Expertise Education(hence forth referred to as EE) has done everything in and beyond their power to make all of our transitions to China as enjoyable, educational, and safe as possible. Unfortunately for EE, they don't control their own or our destiny entirely. During our first week of orientation, EE was tasked with keeping us relatively isolated because of the swine flu scare (none of us had it, but it is state precaution to try and keep large numbers of foreigners out of large cities during their first week in China). This is not that easy when everyone is curious about our surroundings, not used to being told what to do, and capable of varying degrees of mandarin (The language of most of China) within the group. So each day/night, a few people would sneak off to the local town of Mi Yun with one person in toe capable of ordering food or bartering. Bartering is like an Olympic sport here. If you pay sticker price for anything outside of the Supermarkets (ie, Walmart and Carrefour), you are definitely a westerner and definitely paying anywhere from two to ten times too much. It is part of the joy of working in a store and absolutely part of the joy of shopping. Additionally during Orientation, we were carted around to medical exams (which all I will say is, it involved a swab in a place that is unquestionably an out hole) and to various schools throughout the city. Now when I say Beijing is a city, everyone will think, “oh, it's like Boston” WRONG! Beijing makes Boston look like Marion in terms of population and size. Beijing has at least 13 million people in it according to official counts and possibly as many as 17 million according to some estimates. Nothing I have ever seen or been to has prepared me for the scope and scale of the city. We can drive for 3 hours and not get out of the city!Which I am sure only adds to Chinese males inadequacy problems or at the very least is a very gross over compensation. Back to Orientation, trying to fit 68 teachers into schools across the city, while the schools have a say of their own has been a bit daunting and troublesome for us all. Most of the time, little is known to exactly what is going on, and even when things are understood they can change at a moments notice. We have really learned to roll with the punches. There is a saying here, called TIC, “This is China”. For all the things that we go through, we must try and remember that we are in a different land with a different culture and pretty much a different way of doing almost everything we've ever done our whole lives. That takes a lot of patiences to take a step back, not get caught up in all the hoopla, TIC. Ultimately, everyone will get a job in a school that they hopefully feel comfortable in. As for me, I am working at a training center, which is a supplementary school to kindergarten, yes, more school for 3 year olds than just normal Pre-K. Anyways, I'll leave you jealous with my hours, I work 4-8pm Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and 9am-5pm Saturday and Sunday...that's it! All in all, this is shaping up to be a good, no scratch that, great year.

Oh how the world turns

I have been thinking about what to write here for four days since I landed in China. If the words whirlwind ever truly applied to a situation in my life, this seems like the most apt place to use it and still something strangely uninformative rings from that word alone. Before I left, I told everyone that not only was this the scariest thing I've ever done, it's the scariest thing I've ever thought of. Excuse the use of ending a sentence with a preposition, but I don't feel like being to formal. However, China has already developed a strange comfort level with me that suits my anything goes sort of mentality. The flights over went off without much trouble. The first to Toronto was nothing I hadn't done before save the fact that I landed in a foreign country for the first time in my life. I feel a lot of first will be broken over the next year and that is something I very much look forward to. (again apologies) The second flight was something all together different. 13 hours on a plane, with in flight movies, multiple meals and the ability to mingle for hours without the seatbelt sign herding us back to our assigned seats. We ( Brian and I) flew over with 4 other people from our program. Also on the flight were other ex-pats, going to different parts of China to teach like us and a visiting Professor at the University of Peking, who we buddied up to. (#3) All with the idea that the more people you have made contact with in a country of 1.3 billion, the better you would feel. Few quick things I learned from the flights.
1)Everyone outside America has been generally nicer than the average person in side America
2)Sitting for periods of time longer than 4 hours is harder than one would think
3)Airplane food on overseas flights ranges from strangely enjoyable to unsure if it qualifies in any food group
4)Don't be honest on your medical forms to a fault

The final thing comes from the fact that upon entering China we were asked to fill out a medical form that asked us if we had a series of symptoms, however they didn't inform us that these symptoms should only be related to Swine flu and not a pre-existing condition, so when I checked that I had joint pain in my knees from an old sports injury, I got whisked away to a kiosk to be examined for H1N1. Once they discovered, I was being too honest, I was quickly sent on my way.

Having final made it through Customs, which consisted of absolutely no bag checking what so ever, we were finally ready to leave the airport, which sounds easier than it was. Beijing International Airport rivals most small cities in size. Once we all got situated on the bus, no small task for 50 jet-lagged and tired ex-pats, it easily took us 20 minutes of Highway driving to escape the confines of the airport.

Arriving at our hotel around 7pm Beijing time, I, along with most people, was thoroughly exhausted, because I had only gotten 3 hours of sleep in the last 47 hours (intentionally) and had actually not seen darkness in the last 36, flying with the sun an all. However, we were not done yet. We had to check in, organize our Visa information and on top of that, be friendly and warm to all the other new friends you have just met.

The last few days have been a series of meetings and lectures about what we are to do in China, mixed heavily with copious amounts of drinking and socializing, two of my better strengths in life, if I do say so myself, and I just did so there! Everything is being thrown at us and we are all trying to stick as much proverbial spaghetti to our wall as we can. Everyone has been so friendly, open, engaging, and everything and more I had hoped for. Obviously with any new group this large, there are people who don't mesh, but with so many friends to make, if you don't click, just move along. There are so many stories and wonderful people to meet that I am glad to be informally and formally tied to this group for the next year. It is a wonderful bunch of Americans, Brits, Aussies, Kiwis, Dutch, Spaniards and a Canadian.

I'll leave you with one funny story from my first few days. I was sitting at a table and one of the Chinese staff from the company came over to me and asked if I was Cory. I replied yes, thinking something was wrong with my Visa or something else bad had happened. So I then asked, why she was looking for me, to which she responded that her and another Chinese girl from the program had seen my picture and thought I was cute, and wanted to meet me. So there you have it. All I needed to do was travel 5000 miles around the world to become the hottest thing since sliced bread.

Leavin' on a Jet Plane...

So in little more than a few hours, I will be leaving the vaunted air space of these United States, like Amelia Earhart spreading my wings. Hopefully, unlike that "ear" (pronounced - air) head, I'll make it there and back in one piece. My last week in the US went by in a terrific blur. Dinner out with Mom, Fenway trip with Dad, Cookouts with both, time with my great friends and family. It is always bittersweet when you start a new experience, leaving behind what you have to forge something new, but in the long run it just adds to everything you have. I grew up and my family: parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, godparents and everyone in between helped me along the way to become who I am. Never forgetting where I come from but never settling for what people think I should do. I went to Tabor and met friends, peers and educators alike. I picked up new goals, expectations, abilities and character. Then off to Gettysburg, where the town had just as much of an influence as the school itself. I believe I became an adult in Gettysburg, growing into my skin as they say. This always confused me though because my skin has always fit me and I hope it will til I'm at least 70, then it can get saggy on me. Hopefully, by then, I won't need to look as good to chase the hunnies. Along the way I have met amazing people, some who I knew briefly, some I have lost touch with, some I can never let go, and still some I wish I could, but everyone has done their part. From someone offering a ride to an airport to being a shoulder to cry on. From the people who never let what they have be enough when they know they can do more to the people who hold nothing against you. From someone who took the time to make a friend to someone who said a passing hello. I am happy to say that I will take all this with me and hopefully over the next year add even more to my growing set of friends, memories, experiences and general wonderfulness of life. Hope to see everyone when I get back. Now the next chapter begins...

Last Hurrah

With the number 1 now preceding the words, "weeks left in the US", everything is coming at me rapid fire. My checklist of things to do is all but checked off, save the few things I have to do at the last minute, like cancel my phone and car. With each new thing checked off, it seems my anxiety levels rise linearly.

I bought Health Insurance, for about $400, which means that I am protected basically if I lose a limb or 7 gallons of blood, but short of that I am paying out of pocket or praying that my 2nd grade teacher taught me how to sew well enough to suture my own wound.

My Doctor's office lost my medical records and other than a routine physical last year has no record of me being there...EVER, which could be a problem later in life if I ever need to prove I have certain vaccinations. Luckily for China, no such proof is needed. So because of a combination of the following; I am cheap - 20%, I am lazy - 15%, I am stupid - 10%, I don't generally believe in vaccinations - 20%, I have faith in my immune system and laugh at sickness - 15%, and I am cheap - 20%, I have decided against further vaccinations other than the ones I currently have. The side effects of any illness I am likely to get, outside of rabies(So I'll just stay clear of animals) are not that bad and once you get it, you body builds up the antibodies so you don't get it again. The major culprit being Hepatitis A, which affects the liver and is my understanding that it makes you feel like you have a flu and the worst hangover ever, so it'll just be like I am having flashbacks to Junior year of college for a few weeks. As a bonus, my reduced liver function will make it easier for me to get drunk, thus saving more money and feeding into my cheapness.

Lastly, on the list of checks, I bought a web cam and microphone. I will be setting up a Skype account to talk to people, please bear in mind there is a 12 hour time difference, but i figure I'm usually awake when everyone is asleep so maybe now our schedules will sync up, like a hall full of freshman girls for Aunt Flo (Aunt Irma for you Brits).


In spite of all this chaos, I am trying to see as many friends and spend as much time as possible with family before I go. I have 4 amazing friends coming up from PA to spend varying amounts of time with me, which just tickles me so many shades of pink, I just looked down to make sure I am still a MAN, (I AM). To celebrate, I am hosting a cookout/drinkfest/have fun thingy at my dad's and although it has stirred some family emotions, everything will work out, because even if it doesn't, I am flying to China, and those problems don't have a seat aboard the plane. Mostly because problems don't have money or passports to speak of, but also because I called Homeland Security on them(the problems) and they are on the no-fly list. Take THAT potentials problems!
In the spirit of catching up with friends, I spent the other day with my favorite elementary school teacher, Steph. Also known as the 1st Chlebus twin. We talked about many things but I'll give you the highlights of our day.
1) Guys tell some horrible lies to get what they want in bed.
2) Girls generally believe said horrible lies.
3) Never trust Walid Habib Haman (sp?).
4) The North Dartmouth Mall has not gotten any better since 1995, as a matter of fact, other than store names changing, it is the same it was in 1995, it's like going back in time, but so much less fun and definitely a lot less sanitary.
5) Hallmark needs funnier, smarmier cards. If they don't do something about it soon, I will take matters into my own hands.


All in all, should be a very eventful week. I will leave you with my itinerary for the last two days in the US.

August 18th 11am - drop Bobby of at T.F. Green Airport - Providence, RI
1pm - Pick Brian up from T.F. Green Airport - Providence, RI
1pm-8pm - Do last minute shopping an packing
8pm - 12am - try and fall asleep
August 19th 12am - 2am - sleep
2am - wake up
4am - Arrive at Logan Airport - Boston, MA (If Logan Airport, for some ungodly reason no longer exist, drive to Toronto.)
6am - Fly out of Logan towards Toronto International Airport
8am - Arrive in Toronto
2pm - (If necessary, arrive in Toronto by Car. Use time traveled to contemplate why Logan wasn't there.)
2:30pm - Fly out of Toronto for Beijing
August 20th 4pm(Beijing time) - Arrive in Beijing, Jetlagged and tired (Still unsure why Logan wasn't there, but at least we made it to China!)

Cory and Adler (Part Deux)

Whence we last checked in, I was freaking the hell out, talking to and answering questions from an imaginary audience, and trying to figure everything about this china trip out. Since then, I have learned:
#1) Air Canada is CHEAP! I am hoping this is because they love the world and want to make it a better, more carefree pot induced place, eh? and not because they skimp on things like a trained pilot, the ability to maintain cabin pressure at 30,000 feet, and/or fuel. I can fly from Boston to Beijing for less than $400. It cost me that much to drive to Pittsburgh and back. I bought books in college that came close to that price. Needless to say, Canada has done one thing right, since disallowing our manifest destiny of "54'40 or fight". Thank you AP US
#2) Bank of America SUCKS! Why is it when I deposit a check, it can only make a very small amount of said check readily available? Other banks allow you half the money right away. Would this be so hard? NO, but Bank of America is apparently becoming Bank of Jew. Which in turn leads me to point #3
#3) Adler is coming with me to CHINA! My roommate, my second senior year of college (AKA The Victory Lap) has decided and been accepted to join me overseas in this lovely country we call The Middle Kingdom. Take that AP World, I remembered something.

I now am a lot less worried about my trip and experience. Nick and Karen are planning to visit us after the new year, and everything I have heard from everyone (save my dad and nana, who are just terrified) is supportive, encouraging, and wishing they could do it too. However, I will leave you with the conversation that comforts me the most, between myself and my once and future roommate.

All 4 b b (10:31:47 PM): you'll have crazy china sex

All 4 b b (10:31:55 PM): you know one of the spots you want to have sex is on the great wall

All 4 b b (10:32:01 PM): and in the forbidden palace

Charlie813Brown (10:32:10 PM): wow

All 4 b b (10:32:19 PM): that....almost sounded like anal

Charlie813Brown (10:32:32 PM): oh, i thought it was anal

Aaaaand THAT is why I know China will be the time of my life!