Jumbo Shrimp

China is the dirtiest clean place ever. Or maybe it's the cleanest dirty place ever. Yeah, that works better. Now I am sure at this point you are asking yourself, how can a place be clean and dirty at the same time. Well, that's what I am here to tell you. Cleaning staffs are everywhere. If you thing illegal immigrants have the cleaner market cornered in the US, you ain't seen nothing yet. Cleaning crews literally cover China. There is a crew that sweeps the streets, with brooms. There is a crew that washes windows, with grappling hooks and climbing gear. There is a crew that mops the floors, sidewalks, stairs and any other semi-shiny surface. There is a crew to hire to wash your flat. There is probably even a crew to clean the other cleaning crews. My point being, you can't go more than 10 feet in my area, without seeing a cleaning crew of some kind. My school has close to a half dozen cleaners on staff for a school of 15 rooms, not to mention a crew from the mall that does the communal hall ways. Yet, in spite of all this cleaning, Beijing is dirty. Not in a gross, I don't want to touch anything sort of way, but quite literally, there is dirt everywhere. This is because in every city in China, and including Beijing, there is constantly construction going on. And this is not your “Big Dig” type of construction where it lasts years and there is tons of corruption and its always behind schedule. No, I saw an entire store gutted and remodeled in three days. THREE DAYS!!! It takes US builders that long to figure out what they want to order for lunch. Added to this craze is the idea that construction and general living are not separated, which in turn is part of where the dirty comes from. While getting my first medical check, the hospital was having some construction done. Not an uncommon thing in the US, however, at this hospital, the construction area was not sealed. Meaning that the dust and dirt from the construction being done were able to float through the hospital without anything stopping it.

Class has been going well. Because my school is a training center for after school learning and the school is only ~6 months old, the school is not only a school but also a recruiting center. This means that while some teachers are teaching students already enrolled in the school, other teachers are teaching "Demo" classes to prospective students in order to impress their parents enough to enroll their son or daughter. These "Demo" classes have their pluses and minuses. The pluses are that the classes never change and are shorter than regular classes. The minuses are that the kids are used to this school or you as a teacher and therefore haven't learned the routine yet, not to mention you have to be a little more lenient in these classes because you want the kid to come out happy, not crying or screaming. So in order to fill the school to capacity, everyday there is at least one "Demo" class, at least so far since we've been here. And yours truly is apparently the poster child for this school, because out of 12 "Demo" classes this week, I am involved in 11 of them. Like I've said, it has its ups and downs. So here are the things I've learned this week:

1. Drying clothes outside of a dryer sucks and they get all stiff. If you have any advice, please post below.

2. Two months without console video games really sets back my NCAA ability

3. Kindergarten songs are unfortunately very catchy. I can't get "The Hello Song" out of my head.

4. When you don't go out on the weekends you miss things.

My last point is supplemented by an e-mail I received from a fellow ex-pat:

Hiya Cory :o)

Ur sure u missed loads of fun eh? Well..I wouldn't say fun. We went to Smugglers and were hving a great time, John was meant to be staying at ours because he didn't wanna go all the way home alone. Anyway, then we went to Kokomo's the place with the roof terrace. John was really drunk dancing away with this Chinese girl, next thing Dave (complete asshole) and Bill went over all in his face and then chased this Chinese girl out. So me and John were dancing having a good time next thing BAM, Bill punched John in the face, pushed him down some steps, sat on him and started beating him in the face repeatedly. I didn't know what to do! Because I was with Stacy and Bob who had gone to the toilet at this point. John got up started kicking Bill in the face and there was blood, everyone was freaking out and John just went home. Yeah...fun night. To top it off, all I got from Bill all night then was, Oh my god you hate me blah blah blah and then me Stacy and Bob got lost in a taxi, stupid taxi drivers can never find our house so it took us a ridiculous amount of time to get home...again! Kevin was being a total creep and me and Dave had an argument because he was screaming in my face and going to smash a bottle over Tim's head. Just thought I'd fill you in :op

The names have been changed to protect peoples identity, cause I don't know who reads this. So remember kids, when in China, try and avoid bar fights!

Chandalier TV Set

I find it strange that it takes traveling half way around the world to appreciate parts of your own countries culture and identity. In this case, I am talking about the fact that many people who reside in the United States, are for all intensive purposes, illiterate when it comes to English. Many of these people are recent immigrants or second generation Americans, others are visiting or working to learn the language, the rest live in Alabama. We'll ignore this third group for now, and focus on the first two. I have been in China now for almost three weeks and to steal a popular saying, “It's all Greek to me!” Which only makes me regret not learning the language as I am sure according to this saying most hard things would thusly become easy. In other words, to say I have a very very basic understanding and grasp of Chinese so far is a crime to the word basic. I can recognize about 10 characters in a language of thousands. I have trouble pronouncing pretty much all of there sounds and when any talks it just sounds like I accidentally turned the TV to channel 99.( This joke is only funny if you don't own a Dish or hundreds of channels of TV). In spite of my knowledge of Chinese, I am expected tolive, work, and travel around China. Here in lies the problem. If you get lost in a country where you speak the language, you simply turn to a nearby person who looks friendly, hopefully has 75% or more of their teeth and isn't rabid and ask them, “How do you get to location X?” Location X being your desired location of choice for today, yesterday of course it was Location W. They hopefully give you some vaguely helpful advice and you both feel better about yourselves for your successful human interaction and you feel doubly better if said directions don't end with you in a bath tub full of ice without a kidney in the Russian part of town. When I get lost in China, I kneel down, pray to my god (illegal), curse this communist country(generally bad idea, A.K.A. Not illegal but not necessarily legal either) hope that another white person walks by who speaks English. (Snowballs chance in Hell), curl up in the fetal position and call my Chinese aid to solve the problem. (Ding Ding Ding, we have a WINNER!) Strangely enough, as weird as this all sounds, it all sort of works itself out. I have been able to buy food, both in a supermarket and in restaurants. I have furnished my apartment, gone through two medical exams, paid bills, exchanged money, and avoiding accidentally buying a hooker, all without any real knowledge of Chinese and a few key Chinese people's limited knowledge of English. I am here to teach English, and I have had a great first week. The staff is super helpful. The kids have warmed up to me fairly well. (only one girl has cried and all I said was hello so I don't think that was my fault, she was just a ticking time bomb) We are creating lesson plans, designing classes and restructuring the curriculum and at least for me, having a good time doing it. A few things I've learned this week:

1)Fast food in China is the same shitty service it is back in the states, however, McDonald's DELIVERS!! Why don't we have this in the US??? Cause I'm Lovin It!
2) Anyone can learn to use chopsticks, if you are hungry enough
3)Peanut butter and Jelly never tasted so good after a week of rice and noodles
4)NEVER, I REPEAT, NEVER, say I love you to a Chinese girl who can't speak English and then invite her out to your flat for the weekend

The last bullet point is an unfortunate story of a fellow ex-pat with our company. Apparently, he flirted up a waitress at our hotel and through an intermediary, (he speaks no Chinese, she speaks no English) said the above things. The result was that she showed up the following weekend of the bus with 6 suitcases ready to move in. A long explanation later through another intermediary and the young girl's heart was crushed and this poor man's libido probably stifled for the time being. So remember, when in China, I love you, means leave your parents house and move in with me even if we have never actually understood each other without a translator.